Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
