I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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