I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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