Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize