you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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