I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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