there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
