And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Screwed.edu
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We're too hungover to prance.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
