why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
