Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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