Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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