Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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