i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
accomplished twins. life is a go
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
What a dumb baby whore.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Randomize
