I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
