He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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