dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
