Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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