Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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