I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
