was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
