i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I am never drinking with the goths again.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
