Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
