If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
