Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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