gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize