i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
