We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize