I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
