Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
