thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
