can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Randomize
