9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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