i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
