what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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