OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
