Where are you?
In a non slutty way
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
