They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
