.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
