I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
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