Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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