we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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