I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
