I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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