Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
