Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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