so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
