i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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