Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
