i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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