Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
