im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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