I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
