the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
