I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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