She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
