I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
