honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I think my moral compass just broke
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