Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
