: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
