every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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