false alarm. still invincible.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
