pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
