R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
