Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
