the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
